I started out this week "in the classroom," only that classroom was with teachers. I was also a co-teacher, which also has never happened since FL classes n'ont jamais de prof spécial. It was also the first time since I've truly been in this role that j'ai pleuré. :( Pretty sure that the tears were a result of being overwhelmed rather than being unhappy. But no matter how many times Brad makes me fun of me for saying it, I really DON'T like crying in front of people (books and movies don't count - they are emotion caused by fictional characters, not my real emotions created by life). Crying because I am truly hurt, or because I feel inadequate is a much more personal thing and something that I feel is a burden on other people when I allow or can't control it happening in front of others.
The following two teacher days were great. I felt like I was really accomplishing things on my to-do list (which is NEVER ENDING, as anyone in education will understand). I also started to believe that I would be able to handle this non-teaching role. Et voilà, la rentrée. Once students arrived, I felt just as strange as I thought I would. Instead of students, I have meetings. Instead of lesson planning, I have troubleshooting. And let's not even talk about the learning curve - I thought that being an English teacher the first year was hard. Il y a tant de fois que je me suis demandé why I chose this year as the year to leave the classroom. Obviously, the answer is very simple: it was the best option. I could have chosen to teach English again full time (maybe). I could have chosen French, but that would have forced another teacher into a situation that she did not want. So here I am.
Will I adapt? I imagine so. But change is hard. So here are the positives on which I am choosing to concentrate:
- New responsibilities. - When things don't change, we become stagnant. When we change, we grow, and growth is good (right?).
- New technology. - This year is bringing all new computers to my school. New laptops came last week, new desktops come in September, new labs come in November. We'll talk later about the new problems that came with the new laptops - we're being positive here.
- New relationships. - As a classroom teacher, I never really thought about all of the people that I didn't know. I would have said that I knew a fairly large number of our teachers. Now that I am out of the classroom, I have realized that I know a VERY small pourcentage. As I get to know more of the staff, I also find that I am making new friends and strengthening relationships with some that I already knew. Who can possibly complain about new friends?!
J'ai presque oublié: I need to post a pic for this week's photo challenge. This week's theme was a self-portrait, which fits well with the self-reflection qui vient de se passer.